Overwhelm and Agency
Recently, I facilitated four small group discussions for an executive leadership program. At the start of each session, everyone answered the prompt: “In one word, how are you showing up today?”
The number one answer: “overwhelmed.”
The second most common answer: “stressed.”
And in the two weeks since then, I’ve had three more conversations in which the other person expressed a similar sentiment.
Surely, the strains of the never-ending pandemic we’ve all experienced over the last 18 months, with its disruptions to our lives, our childcare coverage, and our relationships, are one driver of the overwhelm. For example, on MSNBC's Way Too Early, Dr. Benjamin Miller described how the combination of the pandemic and recent news has driven mental health challenges.
Beyond the general challenge, two things stood out for me about those leaders’ descriptions of their overwhelm.
First, not recognizing the choices behind the overwhelm
It was striking how common the descriptions of the overwhelm were. Things like:
One of our teammates was out on vacation, but, you know, the deadlines never change.
Or: We’ve been short-staffed for almost two years.
However, there were choices implicit in all of those descriptions. It sounds different to say it like:
When we didn’t have the resources to do the promised task, rather than resetting expectations, I chose to work the team harder.
I had a choice between a commitment I’d made to someone else and commitments I made to myself, and I chose to keep the former.
The company had a problem, and instead of letting the company suffer by waiting a few more days for the deliverable, I chose to make myself suffer by sacrificing rest, exercise, or whatever else I need to be at my best.
Of course, there are tradeoffs. Having to renegotiate an agreement or tell someone at work that you won't be able to meet a commitment has a cost. But if we’re not identifying our choice in the matter, it’s much harder to see the path out of being overwhelmed.
So the straightforward implication is that when we’re feeling overwhelmed, asking ourselves what choices we’re making to contribute to it can be useful.
Second, not seeing degrees of freedom in the solution set
When I hear leaders describe their overwhelm, there’s typically a lot of “have tos.” I have to do this. I have to do that.
“Have to,” however, implies there are no options. One reframing that can be helpful is to shift from “have to” to “if, then.”
For example, instead of, “I have to attend this meeting,” one might say, “If I don’t go to this meeting, then my boss will be upset.”
Stating that logic clearly—whatever it is—creates potential paths out of the dilemma by turning it into an opportunity for analysis. We can ask:
Does my boss even think that meeting is important? What would happen if I told my boss why I’m choosing to do something else? Is there another way to deliver that doesn’t require attending?
None of that thinking can happen, however, unless we relax our “have to” assumptions.
Of course, none of this solves the pandemic or the insatiable needs of our companies, families, and everyone else trying to claim our time, attention, and energy.
The only other distinction I’d offer: There’s a difference between being overwhelmed and feeling overwhelmed.
That is, we can make the choice not to let the technical state of having more things to do than we have time for impact how we feel. We can “reprogram,” as this article frames it, our relationship to the overwhelm.
The most famous example of this is, perhaps, the Serenity Prayer:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
That’s agency.
A Question for You
What’s one thing you could change this week to make your life easier?
Leadership Wisdom
“We often think that work frustration, overwhelm, disengagement, and burnout are personal problems. It’s our job and our fault if it’s not working, or our boss’s fault, or someone’s fault. The truth is it’s not a personal problem alone. It’s a societal problem and a global problem. With disengagement at work at epidemic proportions, our work culture is not working, and the reason is that our organizations are filled with dysfunctional beliefs.”
— Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, in Designing Your Work Life