LEADERSHIP LIBRARY
Transitions
William Bridges
IN BRIEF
This is a must-read for anyone experiencing a difficult period of transition in that it provides a practical framework for what we might experience.
Key Concepts
Transition, defined
“Our society confuses them constantly, leading us to imagine that transition is just another word for change. But it isn’t.” (Preface)
“In other words, change is situational. Transition, on the other hand, is psychological. It is not those events, but rather the inner reorientation and self-redefinition that you have to go through in order to incorporate any of those changes into your life.” (Preface)
“All transitions are composed of (1) an ending, (2) a neutral zone, and (3) a new beginning.” (p. 4)
“...yet endings must be dealt with if we are to move on to whatever comes next in our lives. The new growth cannot take root on ground still covered with the old habits, attitudes, and outlooks because endings are the clearing process.” (p. 108)
Rules for being In transition
Rule number one: “When you’re in transition, you find yourself coming back in new ways to old activities.” (p. 7)
Rule number two: “Every transition begins with an ending. We have to let go of the old thing before we can pick up the new one—not just outwardly, but inwardly, where we keep our connections to people and places that act as definitions of who we are.” (p. 11)
Rule number three: “Although it is advantageous to understand your own style of endings, some part of you will resist that understanding as though your life depended on it.” (p. 15)
Rule number four: First there is an ending, then a beginning, and an important empty or fallow time in between. (p. 17)
There are expected transitions that we experience throughout our lives
“Every phase of life has such a task, and failing to complete it satisfactorily means that you make the transition into the next phase accompanied by unfinished business. And most of us didn’t entirely finish the job of resolving identity issues back then. Consequently, whenever we enter a new transition, some of those old identity issues are going to reemerge.” (p. 32)
“The most important fact is not that there are one or three or four or six identifiable periods of crisis in a lifetime; rather, adulthood unfolds its promise in an alternating rhythm of expansion and contraction, change and stability.” (p. 40)
“The second fact to remember is that, at forty, not everyone finds life coming to a halt or standing on its head. Rather, from the early thirties on, most people find life moving in alternating periods of stability and change. The mid-life transition is the first of these transition times after the end of the novice period, and for many people it is a time of considerable upheaval.” (p. 40)
Relationships can come under strain when one person enters a transition, and the couple does not address that transition effectively
“Relationships are always structured by unspoken agreements, although people are seldom conscious of it.” (p. 66)
“What does work is for the partner who is aware of the transition and its implications for a relationship to begin exploring alone the question of what is ending in a relationship and what to do about it. More often than not, it turns out that the ending is not some external situation but an attitude or an assumption or a self-image that both partners have held.” (p. 70)
“Various actions can help in that kind of a situation. First, of course, the partners should discuss what each of them is experiencing. Next, they should use the transition framework to structure that talk and to realize that relinquishing old arrangements and being left in the neutral zone is always difficult and confusing.” (p. 72)
We experience transitions a work, many of which are driven by transitions we’re having in our personal lives
“Most people also create new situations in the present, new hopes for the future, and new ways to realize those hopes. The image for such a life is not an upward-trending diagonal of increasing achievement but a spiral of linked cycles—the completion of each leading to a new cycle of experience and activity based on a new dream.” (p. 77)
“In our culture, there are forces that stand in the way of this normal, cyclical pattern of development. We place a high value on monetary success and professional prestige, and that encourages people to set (and then keep trying to reach) distant and elevated goals. This emphasis on success often stands in the way of people’s doing what really interests them and makes them happy.” (p. 78)
“How disruptive these times of reorientation will be during your career is determined by two things: first, the inherent importance of the change that triggers them; and, second, whether they coincide with a time when a developmental shift is occurring within you.” (p. 81)
Questions to ask yourself in transition
“They start with two questions that you should learn to ask yourself whenever you are in transition. They’ll help you to explore what the transition means in the developmental business of that particular time in your own life.” (p. 86)
“1. What is it time to let go of in my own life right now?” (p. 86)
“2. What is standing backstage, in the wings of my life, waiting to make its entrance?” (p. 87)
Five elements of endings
DISENGAGEMENT
“It seems to be a universal belief among traditional peoples that at times of inner transition people need to be separated from their familiar places in the social order.” (p. 110)
DISMANTLING
“It starts by making an ending and destroying what used to be. Then there is the time when it isn’t the old way any more, but not yet the new way, either. Some dismantling is still going on, but so is some new building. It is a very confusing time, and it is a good idea to have made temporary arrangements for dealing with this interim (“neutral zone”) state of affairs—whether it is temporary housing or a time of modified activities and reduced expectations to make the old housing work.” (p. 115)
DISIDENTIFICATION
“In breaking your old connections to the world and taking apart the internal structures required by those connections, you also lose your old ways of defining yourself.” (p. 115)
DISENCHANTMENT
“The lesson of disenchantment begins with the discovery that if you want to change—really to change, and not just to switch positions—you must realize that some significant part of your old reality was in your head, not out there.” (p. 120)
DISORIENTATION
The Neutral Zone is an unfamiliar, uncertain state that we must endure before seeing the new beginning
“You should not feel defensive about this apparently unproductive time-out during your transition points, for the neutral zone is meant to be a moratorium from the conventional activity of your everyday existence. The activities of your ordinary life keep you “you” by presenting you with a set of signals that are difficult to respond to in any but the old way. Only in the apparently aimless activity of your time alone can you do the important inner business of self-transformation.” (p. 135)
“The first of the neutral zone activities or functions is surrender—one must give in to the emptiness and stop struggling to escape it.” (p. 140)
“How to find the meaning while in the neutral zone—and thus how to shorten the time you spend there.” (p. 142)
Accept your need for this time in the neutral zone. (p. 142)
Find a regular time and place to be alone. (p. 143)
Begin a log of neutral zone experiences. (p. 144)
Take this pause in the action of your life to write an autobiography. (p. 145)
Take this opportunity to discover what you really want. (p. 147)
Think of what would be unlived in your life if it ended today. (p. 149)
Take a few days to go on your own version of a passage journey. (p. 150)
Turning down the volume is critical to hearing the signals of the new beginning
“Because the signal is very subtle, it is difficult to perceive when other stimuli are strong—and that is why we naturally, if unconsciously, seek emptiness and quietness in times of life transition.” (p. 160)
Practical tips on being successful in the new beginning
“The first, very simply, is to stop getting ready and to act. “Getting ready” can turn out to be an endless task, and one of the forms that inner resistance can often take is the attempt to make just a few more (and then more, and again more) preparations.” (p. 169)
“The second thing you can do is to begin to identify yourself with the final result of the new beginning. What is it going to feel like when you have actually done whatever it is that you are setting out to do?” (p. 169)
“This is where the third thing to do is important: Take things step by step and resist the siren song that sings about some other route where everything goes smoothly and events are always exciting and meaningful.” (p. 171)
“...the fourth important thing to remember in making a beginning, which is to shift your purpose from the goal to the process of reaching the goal.” (p. 172)
Quotables
“Those who had chosen to make the changes that had put them into transition tended to minimize the importance of endings; it was almost as if the act of acknowledging an ending as painful was an admission that the change triggering the transition had been a mistake. On the other hand, those who had gone into transition unwillingly or unwittingly found it very hard to admit that a new beginning and a new phase of their lives might be at hand. They were as invested in seeing no good in their transition as the other group was in denying distress.” (p. 8)
“Transitional situations bring this paradox to the surface and force us to look at negative and positive aspects of our life situations.” (p. 13)
“But endings make us fearful. They break our connection with the setting in which we have come to know ourselves, and they awaken old memories of hurt and shame.” (p. 17)
“The idea that de-velop-ment (which means “unfolding”) continues uninterruptedly throughout a lifetime is entirely foreign to the world of products.” (p. 28)
“So in the end, the homeward journey of life’s second half demands three things: First, that we unlearn the style of mastering the world that we used to take us through the first half of life; second, that we resist our own longings to abandon the developmental journey and refuse the invitations to stay forever at some attractive stopping place; and third, that we recognize that it will take real effort to regain the inner “home.”” (p. 49)
“Finding out what it is time to let go of often provides the way to initiate a transition meaningfully. Unfortunately, people are more likely to ask what new thing they can add to their lives.” (p. 87)
“Whether such transitions take the form of a time when everything “goes dead,” a time when things keep going wrong, a time when long-successful strategies suddenly stop working, or a time when the gray fog of depression covers whatever was once bright and interesting, this natural (if often delayed) time of transition starts with an ending, a sense of loss. And after we have acknowledged the ending, the sense of loss is replaced with emptiness, meaninglessness, a feeling that all our accomplishments actually mean very little. We say (if we have the courage to talk about the experience) that our careers aren’t going anywhere; we may wonder whether we’ve been in the wrong career all along; we may consider an early retirement, although we probably at the time lack the funds to pull it off.” (p. 94)
“As time went on, I grew more comfortable with what might be called a “participial” identity, that is, identifying with ing words (gardening, writing, running, lecturing) rather than with nouns.” (p. 117)
“The disenchanted person moves on, but the disillusioned person stops and goes through the play again with new actors. Such a person is on a perpetual quest for a real friend, a true mate, and a trustworthy leader. The quest only goes around in circles, and real movement and real development are arrested.” (p. 121)
“One of the most important differences between a change and a transition is that changes are driven to reach a goal, but transitions start with letting go of what no longer fits or is adequate to the life stage you are in.” (p. 128)
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