LEADERSHIP LIBRARY

IN BRIEF

This book describes several Buddhist teachings and the benefits of a meditation practice. It’s almost beyond summary, since the content promotes a journey of reflection and learning about oneself.

Key Concepts

Suffering and ambiguity is an inevitable part of life 

“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.” (p. 14)

“The very first noble truth of the Buddha points out that suffering is inevitable for human beings as long as we believe that things last—that they don’t disintegrate, that they can be counted on to satisfy our hunger for security.” (p. 15)

Acceptance of our state (rather than resisting) is a way to be kind to ourselves

“The way to dissolve our resistance to life is to meet it face to face. When we feel resentment because the room is too hot, we could meet the heat and feel its fieriness and its heaviness. When we feel resentment because the room is too cold, we could meet the cold and feel its iciness and its bite. When we want to complain about the rain, we could feel its wetness instead. When we worry because the wind is shaking our windows, we could meet the wind and hear its sound. Cutting our expectations for a cure is a gift we can give ourselves. There is no cure for hot and cold. They will go on forever. After we have died, the ebb and flow will still continue. Like the tides of the sea, like day and night—this is the nature of things. Being able to appreciate, being able to look closely, being able to open our minds—this is the core of maitri.” (p. 41)

We should build the discipline to avoid aggression toward ourselves and toward others

“The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.” (p. 43)

“Refraining—not habitually acting out impulsively—has something to do with giving up entertainment mentality. Through refraining, we see that there’s something between the arising of the craving—or the aggression or the loneliness or whatever it might be—and whatever action we take as a result.” (p. 45)

Embrace hopelessness

However, dharma isn’t a belief; it isn’t dogma. It is total appreciation of impermanence and change. The teachings disintegrate when we try to grasp them. We have to experience them without hope. (p. 53)

“Hope and fear come from feeling that we lack something; they come from a sense of poverty. We can’t simply relax with ourselves. We hold on to hope, and hope robs us of the present moment. We feel that someone else knows what’s going on, but that there’s something missing in us, and therefore something is lacking in our world.” (p. 55)

“But if we totally experience hopelessness, giving up all hope of alternatives to the present moment, we can have a joyful relationship with our lives, an honest, direct relationship, one that no longer ignores the reality of impermanence and death.” (p. 60)

“As human beings, not only do we seek resolution, but we also feel that we deserve resolution. However, not only do we not deserve resolution, we suffer from resolution. We don’t deserve resolution; we deserve something better than that. We deserve our birthright, which is the middle way, an open state of mind that can relax with paradox and ambiguity.” (p. 70)

Generosity requires letting go

“When we feel inadequate and unworthy, we hoard things. We are so afraid—afraid of losing, afraid of feeling even more poverty-stricken than we do already.” (p. 130)

“...the real transformation takes place when we let go of our attachment and give away what we think we can’t.” (p. 132)

Part of acceptance of ambiguity comes through scrutinizing our own opinions

“One of the best practices for everyday living when we don’t have much time for meditation is to notice our opinions.” (p. 141)

“The key is to realize the difference between opinions and clear-seeing intelligence. Intelligence is like seeing thoughts as thinking, not having opinions about whether those thoughts are right or wrong.” (p. 144)

“The Path Is the Goal”

“When we find ourselves in a mess, we don’t have to feel guilty about it. Instead, we could reflect on the fact that how we relate to this mess will be sowing the seeds of how we will relate to whatever happens next.” (p. 187)

Quotables

“When I was first married, my husband said I was one of the bravest people he knew. When I asked him why, he said because I was a complete coward but went ahead and did things anyhow.” (p. 10)

“I used to have a sign pinned up on my wall that read: ‘Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us.’” (p. 12)

“To stay with that shakiness—to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge—that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic—this is the spiritual path.” (p. 16)

“‘This very moment is the perfect teacher, and it’s always with us’ is really a most profound instruction. Just seeing what’s going on—that’s the teaching right there.” (p. 26)

“Ultimately, it comes down to the question of just how willing we are to lighten up and loosen our grip. How honest do we want to be with ourselves?” (p. 34)

“Well-being of mind is like a mountain lake without ripples. When the lake has no ripples, everything in the lake can be seen. When the water is all churned up, nothing can be seen.” (p. 49)

“At the root of all the harm we cause is ignorance.” (p. 49)

“For those who want something to hold on to, life is even more inconvenient.” (p. 54)

“We are raised in a culture that fears death and hides it from us. Nevertheless, we experience it all the time. We experience it in the form of disappointment, in the form of things not working out. We experience it in the form of things always being in a process of change. When the day ends, when the second ends, when we breathe out, that’s death in everyday life.” (p. 57)

“Loneliness is not a problem. Loneliness is nothing to be solved.” (p. 76)

“Impermanence is a principle of harmony. When we don’t struggle against it, we are in harmony with reality.” (p. 80)

“Often peace is taught as the fourth mark of existence. This isn’t the peace that’s the opposite of war. It’s the well-being that comes when we can see the infinite pairs of opposites as complementary.” (p. 84)

“What we call obstacles are really the way the world and our entire experience teach us where we’re stuck.” (p. 87)

“To live is to be willing to die over and over again. From the awakened point of view, that’s life.” (p. 95)

“Whether we’re eating or working or meditating or listening or talking, the reason that we’re here in this world at all is to study ourselves. In fact, it has been said that studying ourselves provides all the books we need.” (p. 97)

“As long as we don’t want to be honest and kind with ourselves, then we are always going to be infants.” (p. 102)

“What we hate in ourselves, we’ll hate in others. To the degree that we have compassion for ourselves, we will also have compassion for others.” (p. 105)

“His Holiness the Dalai Lama describes two kinds of selfish people: the unwise and the wise. Unwise selfish people think only of themselves, and the result is confusion and pain. Wise selfish people know that the best thing they can do for themselves is to be there for others. As a result, they experience joy.” (p. 115)

“There is nobody on the planet, neither those whom we see as the oppressed nor those whom we see as the oppressor, who doesn’t have what it takes to wake up.” (p. 146)

“The state of nowness is available in that moment of squeeze. In that awkward, ambiguous moment is our own wisdom mind. Right there in the uncertainty of everyday chaos is our own wisdom mind.” (p. 152)

“The path is uncharted. It comes into existence moment by moment and at the same time drops away behind us. It’s like riding in a train sitting backwards. We can’t see where we’re headed, only where we’ve been.” (p. 186)

“This teaching applies to even the most horrendous situations life can dish out. Jean-Paul Sartre said that there are two ways to go to the gas chamber, free or not free. This is our choice in every moment. Do we relate to our circumstances with bitterness or with openness?” (p. 188)

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